What lies out there no one know/ The tide can bring in anything/ So steady as she goes

Love is a scary thing.

A really really terrifying thing.

You attach yourself on to one person so much that pretty soon, everything revolves around them, and you can't imagine what life is without them anymore.

And then there's the realization that this may not last as long as you want it to,

And it's miserable.

But then there's also the immense joy that the person can bring you, and you remember all the good times that you've have together, and you try to hold on to that and cling to it with all you have.

But what if it's not enough?

But then, what if it is?

God makes everything happen for a reason, and I believe that with all of my being.

But gosh, it would be so nice if it didn't have to be such a roller coaster.

Still, whatever happens, it's for the best. And I know I'm happy right now (really, I am!), and I also know that it may not last, and the thought of that literally makes me feel as if someone is punching me on the left side of my chest. But everything happens for a reason!

Love is a scary thing. But you know what? I'm in. And I'm trusting God to take this wherever it's supposed to go. And we'll just have to see where that it!

Burst Apart

Picked up by Ken. Beach cleanup at Dana Point: cigarette butts, lobster traps, styrofoam pieces, dead bird, conversations and walking. Lake Forrest to visit the Tewell family: grandma, uncle, aunt, and cousins. Ken's house to write the community service essay and try not to fall asleep. Picked up Kim and Norman for Fuji's. Super big bowl with avocado and bacon. Drive to Pomona. Kinda got lost from my terrible directions. Glasshouse in Pomona. The Antlers. Amazingness. Dropped everyone off. 7-11 for a glazed donut. Dropped off at home.

I spent 17 hours with that boy and I enjoyed every single moment of it. It's kind of surreal but terrific at the same time.

It's been a truly wonderful day, I don't think I'll ever forget it

Whoddathunk?

Ken met my parents today. It went really well, I was super impressed by him!

It's so weird for me to do something like this. My entire life I've been totally shut off from having any kind of relationship with anyone. Partly because I have a problem with commitment and partly because I just haven't ever found anyone I actually really liked before. Forreals like that is, because I've had tons of crushes. And now all of a sudden it's like WHOOOSH! Hi mom and dad, I'm bringing home a boy, just to let you know!

He's been wanting to meet them for forever too. He always talked about it, and had been telling me for the past week that he's asking for advice on what to do meeting my parents. And although I might sound like a little middle school girl, I think it's so incredibly endearing! It's so sweet, and he was so great and has been analyzing everything that happened and I'm just in awe of how awesome he is and how much I really do like him. Me! What the crap is going on!

But I like it. A lot. And am so happy and appreciative of everything in my life, and I don't know what's going to happen in the future, or how we're going to do things, but right now. Right now, it's wonderful

Today was fantastic

Sometimes I try to come up with a funny or clever title, or just write in what I ate for dinner that night, but today was just awesome.

AP English test in the morning. Fuji's w/ Ken. Home to watch some Modern Family. Back to school for Bingo setup AP Govt study session w/ Ken. Home again to eat dinner. Band and Orchestra Spring Showcase w/ Kelly. Met the Tewells and had a lovely conversation. Home. Watched Easy to Wed on TCM channel with my mom and laughed and was in awe of the lady owning the piano like it was no one's business and smiling the whole time. It was ridiculously amazing!

Long day, goodnight!

Awwwwww

A Simple Life by Philip Selway

It's been a good Easter Sunday:

Sunrise service, seeing a coyote, playing frisbee, tossing Cheerios into our mouths, climbing the mountain, nap, church, solo, random goodness of food for the potluck, home, learning and playing If I Die Young, nap, Gma's house, watching and making fun of The Hills, steak and lettuce and rice and mangos, jamming a bit with Thien, Kpop, Portlandia, weird ankle massager that's really not a massager machine, random apple pie, home, running, contemplating, exhaustion, awesomeness

I think I'll be sleeping early tonight, gotta wake up at a decent hour for school tomorrow and choir practice. I'm gonna suck so bad. My fault!

Being happy is wonderful, people should try it more often!

If I die young, bury me in satin, lay me down on a bed of roses

Easter Break part II:

Friday: Jam session at Ken's house. Charles Darwin, Strange Things Will Happen, Swallowed in the Sea. The King's College meeting at Starbucks. More Modern Family. Good Friday service. Piano-ing and singing.

Saturday: Homework. Costco with Mai Linh. Homework/washing the car/eating popcorn. Pho. The King's Speech with Ken. Yogurt Passion. Home and bed.

The King's Speech was so awesome, no wonder why he loves it so much! Now it's my turn to deliver with The Social Network. I laughed like a fool throughout the entire movie, it was fantastic!

I've been obsessed with If I Die Young by The Band Perry all day today. It's such a pretty song, I love it. Country music is pretty awesome, I don't care what all the haters say!

I'm happy. I wish I could have talked all night, that would have been wonderful. Summer!

Time to wake up early for the sunrise service tomorrow.

Buenas noches!

My silence was my self defense

-And So It Goes by Mariana Trench

You belong with me, not swallowed in the sea

Spring Break so far:

Saturday: Las Vegas Festival, kinda crappy BBQ lunch, Bodies and Titanic exhibition at the pyramid hotel, seniors at the stratosphere, awards show at Circus Circus and then buffet

Sunday: Performed at church, In-N-Out for lunch, opened for university concert, Mystere at Treasure Island, pizza place dinner thing

Monday: Hoover Dam, canoeing, bus home, Burger King, bus home, home!

Tuesday: Washed clothes, vacuumed, picked up by Ken, Ebisu for Calpico, Crystal Cove, trying to get him to sing, finally singing to Coldplay, True Grit at the $3 theater, home, spaghetti and meatballs, leftover Sprinkles, Glee

Wednesday: Yogurtfun for boba with Dais, off to Target, then H&M, Borders, The Lab, nap time, Capital Seafood with Ba Lam, knocked my water everywhere, 85 degree cafe, Yogurtland with Ken, drove to an obscure park and sang Coldplay, got kicked out by a nice policeman, was super awkward, came home and put away all my clothes while wearing this huge awesome sweater from H&M

No one actually reads this anymore (I think!) so I don't feel weird about posting names. Maybe I should care...oh well!

Hopefully the rest of break is memorable! Actually, just spending time with that guy makes it memorable, probably because I'm used to seeing him just once a week!

Sleepiness is consuming me but I must read Heart of Darkness, I must!

Maybe tomorrow

Envy-Provoking Freaking Fantastic Harmonies

Goodness gracious Boy, you sleep so early! How am I supposed to talk to you when you sleep before 11? I'm just jealous, I wanna sleep early too

Pandora is amazing! I've been listening to bomb acapella music for the last 3 hours and it's beautiful

Uh oh, getting tired. I gotsta study Stats!

HI MAI LINH! Whenever you read this!

You're awesome, just thought you should know that

That's it!

Adios!

Late night thinking sessions

I like this blog, it's nice to look back on

I'm feeling really self-conscious now

And it sucks, because I didn't before

A part of me wishes to be in a relationship and have a boy and all that good stuff

But at the same time, I'm really glad I don't so I don't have to feel like this all the time

Because this feeling just sucks

Stupid boys

On another note though, I love my ASB!

I loved last year and had an amazing time with tons of memories

But this year is different

The whole dynamic and feel to the group is different

And I absolutely love it

I'm so proud and honored to be apart of this group

I've met so many amazing people

And that's what I love most about ASB!

You get to meet these people you've passed everyday in the halls

And you formed your opinions on them from what you've seen and heard

And then you talk to them, slave over posters with them, go on car rides with them

And realize that you were completely wrong

And the person becomes one of your closest friends

And it's wonderful!

I'm a lazy perfectionist

My eyeballs are exhausted

We need to write a children's book in Spanish

I think I have an idea for one:

It'll be about a peanut

Who lives on a farm

On the farm lives a whole bunch of nuts

Walnuts, almonds, cashews: the works

And his whole life, the peanut thinks that he belongs

Because he's a nut, just like everyone else

But one day, the peanut gets made fun of

And he finds out that he's not really a nut at all

But actually part of the legume family

He's devastated, but then learns that his uniqueness makes him special

And he saves the day at the farm with his special legume skills

And all the nuts who used to make fun of him now love him

And he lives happily ever after

Quite the story, huh! Granted, I don't know how that would translate in Spanish, but hey, I'll give it a shot!

Goodnight

='(

I'm happy, don't get me wrong

But I there's a part of me that wish this whole thing never happened

That I never made it on exec

So that I wouldn't have to hear of the frustration, the bitterness, the sadness, the negativity that seems to be oozing out of every single corner

So that I wouldn't have to see my closest friends cry, to see them get mad at me, to see them contemplate on how one rejection characterizes them as someone they're not

So that I wouldn't have to deal with all this crap getting thrown at my face

But it's done, it's set and stone and ready to go

So I guess I have to be okay with it

Or at least pretend to be okay with it

Because someone has to be strong and maintain a positive attitude

Someone's gotta do it

And although I don't feel like it right now, I'll do it

Someone's gotta do it

It just breaks my heart to have people I know and love angry and depressed

It makes me angry and depressed to see them like that

It's not fair, it's not right, it's shouldn't be that way

I always tried to keep ASB and friends separate

So things would have been able to stay the way they were

So it didn't get personal

Fail.

I wish people didn't care as much

So the hurt wouldn't be so severe

So that everything would be just fine and dandy

Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top?

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

I'm happy but feel like I shouldn't be happy when people I know and love are sitting and crying because they're worked so hard just to have their accomplishments taken right out of their hands and thrown to the ground

But I'm so thankful!

I feel so blessed to have such wonderful people around rooting for me, encouraging me, being there for me. So so incredibly blessed!

I know I've said it a hundred times already, but THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Thank you Mary and Dais for waking up early and putting posters up with me

Thank you Chris for yelling at random kids to vote for me and handing out flyers like there was no tomorrow

Thank you Brandon T for making me go around and talk to people during lunch

Thank you to my ASB family for rooting for me

Thank you Mai Linh for being the most amazing friend and writing that amazing speech

Thank you Jessica and Becky for coming early and helping me put up posters and handing out flyers

Thank you to everyone who wore the shirts Dais and I slaved over

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you

From the bottom of my heart

Okay, I need to study Precalc so I don't fail the test. Again. And I promised Anna I'd try hard!

Wow, I'm tired. Thank the Lord tomorrow's Friday!

Sweet Dreams

Caaaaaannnnn, anybody

Where the heck did March go?

I could've sworn it just started

This week is gonna be nuts

Every week has been nuts

Next week will be chill

Next next week will be absolutely ridiculous

Can anyone come up with a catchy slogan for me?

GLEE STARTS IN 2-ISH WEEKS!

Hip hip hoorayyyyy

Long > Short

I wish people wore long dresses to prom here

Long dresses are so pretty

I'd want to wear a long dress if I went to prom

Gosh, I should stop basing school dances dresses off the gorgeous Academy Awards dresses!

Ahhh, such beautiful dresses

And did you see Sam Worthington from Avatar presenting in his glasses?

Hotness oozing out of him!

Guys with glasses and suits = pretty

Wow, my stomach growls quite noisily

It's almost March!

In about 6 minutes from right now

March is a crazy month, I don't think I'm ready for it

Homework to be done and posters to be made and elections to be prepared

And mac and cheese still to be made!

I haven't given up on my new year's goal to make homemade mac and cheese yet

Still got me some time, still got me some time

Okay, now to study for some dreaded physics...

Oh how I detest physics

Physics sucks

2 minutes til March!

Goodnight!

The raindrops keep falling on my head

Wait....can this be?

Is this real?

Is this really happening?

I think I actually understand math!

Oh happy day!

Let's celebrate!

By doing more practice problems!

Hip Hip Hooray!

My goodness, that was a lot of exclamation points!

!!!!

It's amazing how Samoa Girl Scout cookies wake me up right when I'm about to fall alseep

I swear, they put drugs in those cookies, they're so delicious